The Rooted Mom… Four Things to Remember Before You Lose It: Free Cheat Sheet

Hello. My name is Mandy, and I’m a recovering yeller.

Maybe you can relate? Your hormones haven’t been right since the baby was born… Four years ago. The level of noise and calling out for mom to end sibling squabbles with the music or TV on in the background has overstimulated YOU, let alone your kids. Then… CHAOS happens. Someone a. dumps syrup out of the bottle straight onto the floor ON PURPOSE, b. hits their sibling, c. breaks your favorite breakable keepsake or cup, or d. ALL THE ABOVE, or fill in e. THEN it happens. Mount Mama erupts, and EVERYONE starts crying, even you.

MAN, have I been there! And maybe just one of these things on its own doesn’t make you erupt, but sometimes, all together, or like a slow fire that keeps building, it can all start to add up and then you’re yelling at the ones you love the most.

And don’t even get me started on the Mama guilt and shame that comes afterwards.

I found myself in this place more days than I care to admit. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s also been a place where the Lord has refined me and pruned me and taught me so much.

I used to listen to Christian radio a lot during the day while we homeschooled. Not every show, but I did have my favorites. I think it was on Focus on the Family a really long time ago I heard a couple sharing some practical ways to deal with those chaotic times in the moment. But before they shared any tips, they helped me refocus, shed the shame and guilt I had been feeling that only comes from going to the Lord and seeking His forgiveness first. And, just knowing that I wasn’t the only one dealing with that struggle of yelling and disciplining out of anger? That took a lot of pressure off of my shoulders I hadn’t even realized I had been carrying. Because, who’s perfect? Nobody but Jesus.

So, what are those tips? It’s simple, actually. And I believe they apply to all of our relationships!

1. Pause. Don’t immediately react to the chaos. I, personally, would open a cabinet door and look at the post-its I had written all the scriptures I could find that spoke to me about my words, and using them wisely.
2. Breathe. When you feel that anger bubbling up, stop, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. While my head was in the cupboard, I would inhale for a count of 5, hold for a count of 5, and slowly release the breath for a count of 5. Then I repeat at least 3 times until I could refocus. This alone helped me to readjust my thoughts on seeking the Lord in the situation.
3. Pray. This is the most important part. Sometimes it was a quick, “Lord, help!” Which IS an effective prayer. Nobody can convince me otherwise! And, if the situation warranted a little longer, I could be more specific and pour my heart out to Him. He is faithful, friend, and WILL meet you right where you’re at.
4. Respond. If you have an immediate answer, or if the discipline is obvious to you, then proceed after you’ve calmed down. If you are anything like me, I was really bad (actually, still can be with my teen at home) to want to dole out too harsh of a punishment for the crime. What really helped (and, yes, came from that FOTF episode) was to have a predetermined list of consequences (with Dad’s help) to reference really quickly. If it was an issue that needed more than was on the list, I knew to not threaten anything, but to tell them it was something I would need to talk and pray about with Dad when he came home. The key to that is to not forget!

I’ve created a little free pdf for you that you can hang up inside your own cupboard for a little reference for when you need it in the heat of the moment. I have filled one out with scripture, but there’s also a page you can fill out with your own scriptures. Because all family’s are different, and the need of our children is different, I haven’t listed any consequences on either page. But if you need a jumping-off place, a few of them were no screen time/docked screen time, getting a “bonus chore,” or just staying with me for 15 minutes until they calmed down and were ready to apologize and seek forgiveness from their sibling(s).

Just one final note. When I lost it, or blew it and yelled, regardless of my “cheat sheets” and suggestions, I knew I needed to seek forgiveness from my children. And I did. Often. The result of that has been how I’ve seen how it modeled to them how to humble themselves and seek forgiveness for themselves. It is humbling to me, still, to see how faithful God has been, how He has captured my children’s hearts in spite of me!

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